Freedom Doesn’t Mean Escape - It Means Ownership

There’s a particular kind of anger that creeps in when we’re trying our best.

We’re up early. We’re present. We’re doing the work—consciously, gently, patiently. And still, one of our kids melts down because the banana broke in half. We’re met not with appreciation, but with screaming. Or silence. Or a partner who doesn’t see what we’re carrying (not because they don’t care, but because they’re battling their own demons. Or the toddler).

In those moments, something flares. A voice inside. Sometimes it says, “Why are we even bothering?” Sometimes it’s sharper. Rage. Shame. That tight, invisible grip that makes us snap, retreat, or shut down.

Those are the Demons. And for many of us, fatherhood is when they start knocking louder than ever.

What’s hard to admit is that these demons aren’t just random emotional outbursts. They’re echoes. They’re our ego—pieces of us that were forged when we were small. Back then, they helped. We adapted to our families, our environments. We learned how to survive by being quiet, by being loud, by being perfect, by being invisible.

They protected us.

But now? They’re still fighting battles that no longer need to be fought. Worse still, they’re ruining our chance to do better and give more than we got.

If you’re reading this, it means you want to do better as a Dad. (It also means you’re doing better than you think - promise).

But when it comes to our Demons, here’s where most people get it wrong: freedom doesn’t mean we escape them. It means we face them. We own them. We befriend them and turn them into allies. And we do the work to understand where they came from—

To turn the Destructive Demons that hurt us and others into Wise Warriors how will help and defend us.

Let me give an example. In my upbringing (like many others), structure and punctuality were very important. Being in the right place at the right time, and doing things in the right way, were prized more than how the people doing them and getting there felt. (To be clear, I’m not judging - it’s part of our culture, not my parents’ fault).

What developed in me was a rigidity about punctuality and time. Nowadays, this manifests in an angry dad and stressed children when bedtime is approaching. The ‘Demon’ is that everything has to be done to time. The ‘Demon’ is ‘time’ - fixed, rigid, black and white. A potential ‘Wise Warrior’ is ‘timing’ - structured, intentional, and more flexible and flowing.

That’s what Father’s Freedom is about.

It’s not a programme. It’s not a set of rules. It’s a space for us to stop running from the hard stuff and start turning toward it.

We talk a lot about wanting to be better dads. But better doesn’t mean perfect. It means real. It means aware. It means willing to take a look at what’s going on inside when we get triggered by our kids, our partners, or even ourselves.

Because that inner flare-up? That’s our ego. And our ego isn’t evil. It’s just scared. It’s still trying to protect us with strategies that no longer serve us.

Our work is to meet those parts with compassion. To thank them for how they helped. And then to gently say: You don’t have to protect me like that anymore. I’ve got this now.

That’s ownership.

Where do we begin? One place to start is by asking ourselves reflective questions like:

“Why did I react like that?”

“What am I afraid of here?”

“What belief am I carrying that no longer fits?”

(Fair warning here - we first have to accept that we might be wrong about the situation. I’m still. pretty bad at this, but I’m working on it).

Because the more we understand our patterns, the more choice we have in how we respond. The more we own our stuff, the freer we become.

Father’s Freedom is a place for us to tell the truth about what’s hard and learn from it. Where we get to drop the act and look at the things we’ve been carrying without shame. It’s where we realise that we’re not alone—and that just because the path is hard doesn’t mean we’re failing.

In this space, we do the work. Not to become someone else, but to become more ourselves.

Because our children don’t need a flawless version of us.

They need the version that knows how to come back to presence when things get messy. The one that keeps showing up. The one that’s free—not because we’ve escaped the struggle, but because we’ve learned to walk through it with love.

Want more?

If you want to work on this stuff, we want to help. At Father’s Freedom, the first session is always free, because Fatherhood is the most important job we’ll ever have. Click here to book your session now.