Growing with them

I was speaking to a father recently—one of those quiet, thoughtful conversations that stays with you. He told me he didn’t know his own father that well, and because of that, there are parts of being a dad he feels uncertain about. Especially with his two little girls.

Then he said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“I tell them that when there’s something I don’t know either, I’ll grow with you.”

“Grow with you.”

It’s one of the most powerful things I’ve heard in a long time.

As fathers, we want to pass on the best of ourselves—our values, our strength, our love. But we also want our children to develop parts of themselves that maybe we’ve struggled with. For example, I’m disciplined to a fault. I thrive on structure. But I’m not great at taking it easy or enjoying the moment—and that’s where many of my regrets lie.

So here’s my dilemma: I want to teach my kids the value of self-discipline, but I also want them to be more carefree than I ever was.

How do you teach something you haven’t mastered?

You grow with them.

Let them show you how. Learn alongside them. Be willing to be uncomfortable and curious—especially when your ego pipes up.

Because if we get this right, our kids inherit more of our genius, and less of our madness. And that feels like the point - to give them more than we got.