What Broccoli Taught Me About Ego
I remember the first time I had to clean broccoli off the floor. It was one of the early days of my daughter’s weaning — a well-intentioned effort to introduce vegetables, ending in small green splatters across the wood.
By the time I got around to wiping it up, it had gone hard, and MUCH harder to clean. I knelt on the floor, scraping crusted broccoli with a damp cloth, and felt a wave of disbelief rise in me. This is what my life had become?
I knew, intellectually, that this was a season. That it wouldn’t always be like this. But emotionally, in that moment, it felt permanent. I couldn’t imagine a version of myself beyond the broccoli.
No one really tells you about this part of fatherhood. Not the joyful parts — those are everywhere — but the humiliations, small and large, that come with the role.
Fewer still talk about the value of being humiliated from time to time. That it’s not just suffering — it’s reshaping.
Because what starts to happen, quietly, over time, is that you become less about you and more about them.
Not in a self-erasing way — but in a more balanced way. A way that feels sturdier. More human.
That was the beginning of something I am still wrestling with and which I value deeply (afterwards!): humility. Not the performative kind, but the quiet, ego-bruising humility that fatherhood demands, and which makes us the men we can become - if we invite the discomfort in. This is the mistake I have made far too often - denying the pain of humiliation through anger or placing the blame elsewhere, or soothing it with TV.
There’s no dignity in wiping the floor at 6:30am while the coffee goes cold. But that pain — the hit your ego takes — is also where something new can begin.
There’s a moment, in these early years of parenting, when you realise you have a choice: get wounded or get wise. The first is automatic. The second takes intention.
To stay in the moment where your pride is crumbling and ask: what’s worth keeping here, and what needs to go?
It’s slower. It’s harder. But it’s the way wisdom takes root and - ultimately - shapes us into the strong and resilient role models we aim to be.
Further Reading
If this resonates, here are a couple of places to go deeper:
Fatherhood: The Journey from Man to Dad by Bruce Linton – A collection of essays drawn from over 30 years of facilitating men’s groups for fathers of young children. Linton offers a compassionate, conversational exploration of how fatherhood transforms men, complete with prompts for reflection and discussion.
Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday – Though not about fatherhood specifically, this book explores how ego often stands in the way of growth, service, and humility — themes that resonate deeply in the early, identity-shaking years of becoming a dad.
And for something shorter:
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley – A metaphor often shared with new parents navigating unexpected realities. It’s gentle, but gets at the disorientation of change and the beauty that can follow.